correlates of immunity
DEAREST VECTORIA—
yr last letter soured my milk as offerens to the faeries were scant. honey only attracted flys, meat druin bears close to my house. you made your arrival known, rappen knuckles thru crimson-cloaked pine and plate windows. you stood at my threshold coaten me with inverse entropy.
yr leaven me soaken, shiveren, tryen to build order thru the backstroke of time’s arrow. conversion narratives seethed my mind – testimonies, antinomies, synthesis into the herd, within thine flock. sometimes shepherds disappear in common pasture & sometimes shepherds need the comfort of the sheep.
yr sayen tho we couldn’t be none too careful, altho risk is never nil. you and i slitherd side by side up the hill. over 3 blocks, to roilen neon-plasma and doors dark as leafy crucifers. the barmaids knew what we were in fer before i did.
around the wrist, a corsazh of chalky polypropylene, warden illness even in disuse.* in my locket: a crest of my surety.† two black ships in the harbor, quickly passen thru, semaphore obscured in those moments.‡ awaiten pratique an all to avoid frozen maritime hazards.❄︎
* a presumed signal flag of good health:
the anti-yellowjack— † on vanity:
argent, a pale gules—affirmative:
negative—past the edge of harbor:
‡ icebreaker and stuck vessel herald:
negotiation of the release:
tiptop of fingers on the outside of stemware
tiptoe out for a carriage ride to harbor
tiptap · – · · · · – · – · to wait out delay
tipping over and out of our mouths
ij bodies entwined, voices raspy and low, hushed, filen eachother down. bob down beneath the window so the neybors wont see the bodies and their parts. my throat and eyes pleaden: fall down on top of me, take me into yr mouth—which you wouldn’t then and there. not that part of me, not my cock.
i dribbled effortlessly helplessly and said it was fine. it was more than fine, better than fine, as you warped my field of existence entirely. yr mouth did everythen elsewhere, yr hands did too. protecten each other is how we do this, and three flavors of love spill from whence fluid can’t.
i swore to myself for you that i would be prepared next time. in a nervous second adolescence, she strides in, unfamiliar with the protocol, offerens. plexi cubes reflecten like a prism every which way. a clerk said that i looked lost and i blushed. i asked some questions about safety and what we could do.
caoutchouc, nitrile, silicone, blushing more at each strange substance. i told the lovely bearded femme clerk that i felt like an embarrassed teen, hiden this stuff in my purse, my wallet, my bag. their smile was the equivalent of a caren hand on my wrist, a marker that these protection spells would hold.
i went home, wept, inebriated on vermouth fumes and rye crisps. choken down a massive pill my doctor gave me, i remember that you survived twice, and was i afraid of your third roll of the dice. thru pale after pale of tin tears i dreamt while wide awake:
gums – sternum – navel – neck – nostrils
gloved hands as two hungry pythons
threatening my cunts and asshole
sensing warmth and gloss ooze from me
nitrile finger gagging me because
i was demanding it like i
oblige myself to keep healthy
i gag on horse pills each morning
my eyes in the mirror gleaming
and i pretend its you forcing
pills down my esophagus with
nitrile fingers coaxing me to
gulp water to be a good girl
to go ahead and follow you
i started writen you out of my fever dreams the next day, holden a soft pulse of you at the ready to immunize me.
i hope this finds you healthy
i hope this finds you
i hope you find your way back
i hope you are not stuck in the ice
i hope you send up a flare
i hope you
i hope
you
María Dolores A. Matienzo (she/her) is a queer experimental musician, composer, and writer living on unceded Coast Salish lands in so-called Seattle, Washington. She records and performs music as Black Tent and María de los Dolores. She can be found online many places as @anarchivist.
